This is our first issue since returning from spring break and I’m sure that some of you took the opportunity to head off to some exotic location and engage in behavior worthy of a “Girls Gone Wild” video. For those of you who didn’t make it out of town, but would still like to see some hot co-ed tail, I found a ridiculously shallow website that might help you live vicariously through the other thrill seekers.The name of the site is partyschool.com, and it offers a variety of resources, merchandise, and advice, all in the time-honored tradition of spring break hedonism. At first glance, this site seems like it might actually be legitimate. It offers links for travel accommodations, package deals, and tips on where the action is. Closer inspection reveals that it’s really just a site with photos of drunk, half-naked chicks and advice on how to get them in the sack.
In the section conveniently titled “How to Hook Up on Spring Break,” you’ll find insightful tidbits such as “hunt for hookups with friends who are uglier and less stylish than you are” and my personal favorite, “lower your standards through the use of beer goggles.”
In another section, “Manipulate Your Chemical Signals to Stimulate a Mate,” there’s information on the use of pheromones, flirting, and what they refer to as the ‘First Kiss Test.’ I was compelled to read this out of sheer morbid curiosity.
According to the article, the first step is to make sure a gal has been “primed” before making a move. Said move must be prefaced with such things as eye contact, “romantic conversation,” and what was referred to as “romantic touching,” in order to feign interest in your companion for the evening. For those with trouble distinguishing between friendly and romantic touching (you know who you are), the article clarifies, “If you’re keeping your hand on any part of her body for more than a few seconds, you’re touching her ‘romantically.'” It goes on to say, “If she pulls away at all, keep your touching brief and keep up your romantic conversations. If she continuously shrugs away from your touch, consider getting rid of her and moving on.”
The site also contains some pitfalls that one should avoid such as “We usually recommend avoiding hugging a woman much before you are having sex with her.” Apparently, girls associate too much hugging with friendship, and we all know that being labeled a friend ultimately results in being denied access to her pants.
Every article on this site is poorly-written, chocked full of typos, grammar and syntax errors, and is devoid of real content. Even so, its attempts at legitimacy make it unintentionally funny. I’d recommend this site to anyone who has some time to kill; however, do yourself a favor and ignore the romantic advice. I guarantee this guy’s not getting any.