Dear Dee Dee,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost five months. I’ve had a problem trusting her since the beginning of winter quarter, since she’s been talking about this other guy. She recently lied and cheated on me. Was dumping her the right thing to do?”
Italian stallionItalian Stallion,
You can not have a relationship without trust, and it appears to me that you both have a problem in that department. People kill me. Why does everyone raise a brow when they see two people of the opposite sex in a platonic relationship?
Recently I was having problems with two of my friend’s girlfriends, but thankfully they had the sense to drop it and learn how to trust more. The more I contemplate your question, the more I think that there is something more to this that you are not seeing, but since I don’t know either of you I am just shooting in the dark. I do feel, however, that your decision was the correct one, and that it was your first healthy step towards a happy drama-free life.
I am going to give you the same advice I just gave my friend a couple days ago who is in your same predicament–just please for the love of G-d do not jump back into a relationship too soon. Wait a few months to access what went wrong, and learn from your mistakes. You need to realize that she wasn’t the only one that fudged and that her actions are more than likely the result of the weak foundation in your relationship.
Dear Dee Dee,
My boyfriend has been annoying me all week. I think that because we haven’t had sex lately he believes I’m cheating on him. He has become very suspicious and controlling of everything that I do. How do I let him know I love him without simply giving in?
Sincerely,
Loyal Girlfriend
Loyal Girlfriend,
Wow, I guess my boyfriend is cheating on me.that is so ridiculous it’s not even funny. You guys need to sit down and have a little chat about what’s really going on in his mind and establish that just because you are either not in the mood, or do not have time for sex (well.there is always time) doesn’t mean that you are having the happy dance with someone outside the relationship. Maybe some official no-sex time is needed, but if you two do decide to sustain, do not set a date. It is better to just agree to start back up again when the BOTH of you are ready, and feel the relationship could be complemented by sex instead of being complicated, as it is now.
I don’t like when you said, “giving in.” Honey, you two are supposed to be a team, not working against each other. Just tell him your feelings without being afraid of what he will say or think, because that is the only way you two can move to the next level of trust in your relationship.
If you absolutely adore my advice and have your own questions to ask, please feel free to email at vandyndy@email.uc.edu.
This issue’s reminder: If your lover hasn’t given you any reason why you shouldn’t trust them, then all you can do is trust them and give them their space to grow as a person.
Much love,
Dee Dee
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