Dear Dee Dee,
I am a man who has been seeing another man for a year now, but we have yet to declare ourselves a couple. None of our friends know we are homosexuals, nor do his parents. My parents have given their support, but we also wish to tell everyone else of our relationship. Do you have any advice as to how we could break it to them easy?
Sincerely,
Hopeful HomosexualHopeful Homosexual,
I understand where you are coming from, but who is dating whom? Are you two dating your friends, or are you both in a relationship with each other? Look sweetheart, something that I have learned the hard way was that you can’t please everyone, and if they are your true friends they will support whatever makes you two happy. When I came out, my mom supported me and so did the rest of the family, but I never let it leak to my grandma. I just couldn’t lose her over something like this because she is very old school and keeps grudges until she dies. That would be a huge grudge in her book.
In that case, I valued her feelings concerning me more than being true to myself.
I lost many “friends,” but they were never my true friends, and (even though they never let on) I could tell many who stayed were afraid to spend the night at my house.
This is what I told all my girlfriends: “Look I am bisexual, but just because I am doesn’t mean I will find you sexually attractive, just as I am sure you don’t find every guy that passes you sexually attractive. Besides we are good friends, so I would never try to disrupt that if I ever did.”
When he comes out to families and close friends, he should do it more in an open decision order, so that they can ask him questions and not feel threatened. Some will take it as a personal insult (most likely his parents since they raised him). When this happens, he should express to them that he is still the same person and that no matter what happens or what is said, he will always love them, and he knows in his heart that they feel the same. Being a Jew, I am a master of the guilt trip, but sadly so were they.
Remember this, and keep it in your heart forever: you can not feel guilty for something that you are. Don’t let them put you two in that spot. You both are gay. Love it or hate it, that’s who you are. Be proud of who you are.
Oh and if it’s still hard for you two to express your feelings for each other to your friends, look at it this way: they most likely already know. No, really! Okay, I sort of have the Grace (from the television show “Will and Grace”) syndrome, where most guys I find attractive are gay. Example: I was on a date with one of my friends whom I had a crush on for years, and he checked out the waiter’s body. At the time I thought maybe he was just bisexual, but alas he wasn’t. I asked him about it, and after a long conversation he “confessed” he was gay, but still very confused. Sometime later I set him up on his first date with one of my sweet gay friends a.k.a “my gay son,” and they have been together ever since, three years this coming October (I love you guys!).
Over all, you two shouldn’t worry about it. It’s a hard road to walk, but look at it this way: you never chose it. God did.
Second rant: (I think this is going to become a staple in this column): Before people have their medieval witch hunt and start emailing about how wrong they feel I am, please understand that these are my feelings, not the paper as a whole. However, I do appreciate people taking their time to email me their thoughts, and we will gladly post them in the paper.
If you absolutely adore my advice and have your own questions to ask, please feel free to email at vandyndy@email.uc.edu.
This issue’s reminder: Love who you are, be brave and strive to break the mold.
Much love,
Dee Dee
*All emails are a property of “Dear Dee Dee” *