Ah, it’s my turn to write the “My World” column. Coming Out Day just passed, so I decided to write an opinion piece about how important it is for those of us in the LGBT (Lesbian/Gay/Bi-Sexual/Transsexual) community to live honest, open lives. I was going to talk about my coming out experience as well as the experiences of other gay people on campus. Out of everyone I spoke to, only one person wanted to put his story in the paper (thanks Josh, love ya, baby).
This blew me away because, honestly, the gay people I know love to talk about themselves. It never occurred to me that they might not want to out themselves at school. Why would it?
My friends and I all lead very openly gay lives. I’m out to almost everyone I know. Wait, almost.
Well, come on, it’s not always the best idea to come out of the closet. One must play to his or her audience, right? I mean, when I go to Gay Pride events or drag shows, I am completely comfortable being out.
I never really thought about it, but when I am not in my protective gay cocoon (full of rainbows and glitter), I am just as comfortable hiding out in the closet. Honestly, there are times I actually prefer being in the closet. It’s so warm and comforting and safe.
It’s not that I do the whole “straight acting” thing, but there are times and places where I find my gayness needs to be tempered. Obviously, if I am around a group of straight people, I’m not going to bring up last night’s episode of the L Word or try to find out everyone’s favorite local drag queen. I don’t mind not talking about that. I know that not everyone shares my interests. What I do mind are those times when I can’t mention how I feel about the The Defense of Marriage Act without being accused of flaunting my homosexuality. And God forbid I say something about my personal life, like mentioning my girlfriend’s name. There I am again, bringing my bedroom into your living room, practically waving my rainbow flag in your face.
Do I sound bitter? I sound bitter, don’t I? I hate to say this, but my bitterness has been well earned. Since I came out in 1996, I have experienced ignorance and intolerance and ugliness from all kinds of people. For the most part, I’ve gathered all of this in a second-hand way.
Has Fred Phelps ever told me to my face that AIDS is God’s punishment for us gay people? No. But he certainly says that on his website . The man even leads protests outside the funerals of soldiers killed in Iraq. I think I can safely assume that, seeing as how I’m all gay and everything, old Freddy boy wouldn’t have many kind words for me.
Then again, a lot of people in this country probably don’t have very nice things to say about gay people. For the most part, these people won’t say anything to your face (behind your back is fair game though), but I guess sometimes we get a little crazy with our faggotry and that’s when these fine people have to put us in our place.
One time, I went to Borders with Jen, my girlfriend at the time, and-gasp!-we actually hugged in public. It wasn’t much of a hug really. It couldn’t have lasted more than ten seconds.
That being said, our wanton display of lesbianism outraged one woman so much so that she felt it was her duty to walk up to us and announce, “I just want you to know, I think you’re disgusting. You can be that way, but I don’t need to see it.” She said it with such revulsion you would have thought that Jen and I were having full-on gay sex in the store, right there in the Non-Fiction section!
While that is an extreme incident, I still put up with homophobia every day. When I walk down the halls and hear people calling each other “faggot” or when that guy in Algebra thinks now is a good time to tell a gay joke, I am reminded that gay people truly are the last minority group it’s okay to make fun of in public. The people who are yelling gay slurs and telling their little jokes would never come to Raymond Walters and yell the N-Word or tell a joke about Jews in class.
I’ve just had a revelation as I write this. All of the bigotry and ignorance that makes me so quick to hide out in the closet–those are the reasons it’s important for gay people to come out. When I hear people use gay slurs, I should tell them that I find that kind of language offensive. The reason people don’t run around using ethnic slurs is that they know society won’t put up with it. Gay people, well, we do put up with it.
God, it’s a real catch-22, isn’t it? We don’t come out because of we’re afraid that people will mistreat us, but by not coming out we’re allowing them to mistreat us.