Fashion: Halloween Fashion Horror Stories

Halloween: the one time a year you can be as weird as you like without getting strange looks. Since I'm an aspiring costume designer, Halloween is a field day for me.

I've been planning my costumes for about six months now. I take costumes pretty seriously. It's a wonderful time to pay homage to the things I love and show off the costumes I put together.

Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't always share my excitement and passion for putting together a costume one can be proud of. I'd like to put a stop to some very bothersome habits that I've seen in costumes over the last few years. And no one is safe.

So, strap in. It's going to be a bumpy ride.

Slutty Snow White? Busty bee? Promiscuous pumpkin? No thanks. I'm good.

What's with this obsession with sexy costumes for the ladies? I understand that many college girls probably would prefer something sexy if they're going to a party. But seriously. This is getting out of hand. I'm very disappointed. I mean a sexy pumpkin? Really? I don't understand the need to make everything sexy all the time.

My advice? If you want to be a bit saucy for Halloween, go as Marilyn Monroe or Bettie Page. Even better, pick a famous movie character that is known for her sex appeal. That way, you can have fun putting together a costume, be recognizable and still be flirty. But please, stray away from trying so hard to get laid. Halloween is supposed to be fun, not a holiday for  hooking-up.

As for the gentlemen, try harder. Seriously? A name tag that says, "Hello, my name is Dave?" God's gift to the world? Please. Your laziness is really annoying.

Halloween is full of options. You can be anyone you like. Jack Sparrow. Elvis. The Joker. You can even be Jim from the Office. It's simple and likable, and you can find everything in your closet. Enjoy yourself, for goodness sake.

However, I have another bone to pick with you, gentlemen. I'm tired of seeing the practical joke/sexual humor costumes on you as well. I won't even bother naming examples. We've all seen them. They're lewd and nowhere near funny. If you're trying to prove that you're above Halloween, you're doing it all wrong. Oh and those fake-muscle superhero costumes? Don't let me catch you in one of those. That is like one of the seven deadly costuming sins. I won't stand for it.

A few more costume tips before I go. Firstly, and most importantly, please avoid places that sell pre-made costumes, like Party City. For one thing, those costumes aren't well fitted, and they look bad on everyone. Save Party City for accessories and makeup.

I say, head to an actual costume shop, where you can find real costumes for rent or purchase for a reasonable price, and they are much better quality than you'll find at non-specialized retailers.

Secondly, find a costume you can be excited about. Find a character or celebrity you really love and just go to town.

Thirdly, do it yourself costumes are always more fun. While they are always a bit of work, they are truly something to be proud of.

Lastly, be original. Every year, there is that one celebrity or character that everyone manages to dress up as. Try to think outside the box. An original outfit will get all kinds of attention.

But, most of all, have fun! Halloween is all about enjoying the spooky nature in everyone and encouraging abnormality. And let's be honest: there's a little freak in everyone.

Until next time, stay classy. Stay stylish. This is Josh Newman, signing off.